My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
