i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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