I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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