Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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