He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
