New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
