I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
