i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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