Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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