You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
