I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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