Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
