Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
