i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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