Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
