Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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