how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
