why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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