I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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