Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize