this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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