You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
