hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
