oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
