he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
