I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Shame - the story of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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