I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
