All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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