I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
