DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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