you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
