Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
