Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
