Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
