So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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