I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
