I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
