I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's the barista slut.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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