My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
