New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
