i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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