My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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