I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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