i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize