i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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