i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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