he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
