i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
