dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
