The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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