I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize