So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
