Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
