question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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