I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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