I can't watch pbs sober anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dick very happy bro
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
