all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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