Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
