This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
