Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
