youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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