I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are going to name an STD after you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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