The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
