Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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