I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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