things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
