arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
