her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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