I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
