I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
