they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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