just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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