well you can't waste a boner
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
