just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
