Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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