I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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