I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
