Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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