Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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