Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
