is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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