That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
