I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
