I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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