He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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