My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
