Where is the hickey?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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